The Mundane side of me...passing emophase...

A tad bit random.

If i were to tell you that the answers to the questions that u jokingly asked is yes?
Would u believe me?
would you be afraid of me?
would u distance yourself?

Hahahas...i bet you would...i bet you would...
No one would accept i bet...Confused emotions...distorted thoughts...an "imperfect" side of me.

no one wants to see that, so this happy side you see. Its not a mask as many people might phrase, this happy side is true, as much as the other side too...

Should not be shown
Cannot be shown
Yet dying to be shown...

Nasty thoughts a plenty... i have to pacify them... I do not want to be conquered by them... I should choose my fate.

Yet.

Its tough.

Who can truly understand...

Who can truly accept me?
Every single part of me...100% of me. not only the part i show.

Hidden emotions... forbidden thoughts... all buried deep. Cannot be shown. yet dying to be.

I'm suffocating. seriously I am. The thoughts choking me.

No. I have to continue to smile, be the "ideal" image of JM.

Who can I confide in? Ha. no one. no one. The ugly side can never be shown. never be told.
I'm tired. So very tired. I feel so alone. Yet i know this is the best way. There is no doubts about it. Sigh.

Habitual. so hard to get rid.



Ripples upon the water. Who to calm my lake.


You. threw a pebble into the lake. Created a ripple that disrupted the still surface of the lake.
The ripple, trembled my mind. disrupted my mindstream.

Instead of dying off before hitting the edges, it bounced back, creating yet even more ripples.

The effect continues to the extent that earth may no longer hold the lake.

I dont know how much longer i can keep things together... for the ripples are strong.

Hahas... maybe i should build some breakwaters(geog). strengthen the shore.And just simply wait.

Yes. Jm. be calm. relax. this is merely temporal. it will pass. Nothing's permenent.

Yes. relax. just give it time. the lake will be peacful once more. Let the dirt just settle.
But the dirt's still in there.

HOW.

Hahs.... guess i'll have to learn to live with it till i'm a better cleaner... =) I should use a better cleaning solution. maybe i'm just not adding enough.

Who to clean it? No one but myself. *starts scrubbing away...*